Tired of being strong!? Last requests for help I'm tired of being a strong woman.

“I’m familiar with this theory, it’s much more difficult to instill it into reality”
Well, what is the difficulty? Many people are familiar with this theory, and some even go to various trainings for years, spend a lot of money, visit famous psychologists, read all sorts of smart books, but all to no avail... They are impenetrable people, everything for them is divided into “nah, I already know that.” " and "oh, this is new information." The more they know, the more disappointed they become. I won’t get tired of repeating a phrase that I really remember, a phrase from a very famous psychologist - “you know why women stumble upon the same rake, because they carry them with them.” Your rake is always with you, right? Move from theories to practice, it is always difficult, but there is no other way to do it. Do you want to become weak while remaining strong? But this is not possible, under any circumstances. You asked the question “how to become weak”, I answered you specifically, I can even list it point by point
1. allow a man to make his own decisions, even if you don’t like these decisions.
2. verbally agree with his decisions, even if they seem like nonsense to you. (in fact, you will still do it your way)
3. allow him to make mistakes
4. let him pamper himself, pay for himself, carry your bags (yes yes, they love to do this)
5. praise for strengths and not notice shortcomings (for me this was the most difficult thing, very difficult, because we cannot help but notice the truth, but the result of my efforts exceeds all expectations, try it, you will not regret it)
6. Learn to ask for help. Moreover, in order for your loved one to do what is required of him, you need to repeat your request in a gentle and calm tone about 30 times (oh, don’t be alarmed, they are all like that, don’t think that if he didn’t do it the first time, he won’t do it at all, Don’t think that you’re the only one who came across this, both my grandfathers were like this, my father was like this, my friends were like this, my friends’ husbands, and even with my beloved it’s the same story. And in general, I’ve never seen a man who did what he did the first time. They ask for it. I don’t know what they have to do with it, probably a factory defect)
You, I see, are far from stupid, you already know all this without me. So what was the matter? Throw your rake in the trash. All problems are within us; a person cannot solve the problem while remaining at the same level at which he created it. Change men as much as you like, but nothing will change.
“And, you know, I’m absolutely sure that I will meet a man much stronger than me, in every sense.”
A strong man will never be with a strong woman. NEVER. If such people meet, then there are only three options for the development of events - 1. the woman realizes her problem and will become weak (which is unlikely), 2. the man will turn into a rag and submit to the woman, or will drink or beat (50/50 chances) 3 .the man, having crossed himself three times, will leave, no, he will run away from a strong woman wherever he looks (which is most likely to happen).
"Men don't want to take responsibility"
Well, yes, what did you want? This is a myth passed down from generation to generation, that some dominant male will burst into your life, take away your responsibility, grab it and let you carry it for you all your life. It won’t happen like that, don’t wait, these are fairy tales. Responsibility can only be given to a man; he himself will not impose it on you. You give responsibility - he accepts it. The opposite happens only in the most vulgar, snotty melodramas, and even then not in all of them.
“BUT, by definition, you entrust a woman with the role of serving a man”
In terms of? What are you unhappy with? You serve a man, a man serves you, in my opinion everything is fair.
“But I don’t agree with the way it’s presented. “Yes, my dear” to any question or proposal will send the husband in search of a more intelligent and talkative companion.”
Well, I said this exaggeratedly, not in the literal sense of course, and I put it in quotation marks. The Russian language is powerful, there are a lot of speech patterns, you can find a lot of variations on a theme, you don’t have to repeat the same thing every time, you’re not some kind of parrot.
“Such a submissive and unwilling wife is a variant of losers or despots”
A loser's submissive wife? Wow, this phenomenon is even less common than the Chupacabra.
“For about a year I stuck to “yes, my dear,” and promises to “give the universe””
Well, what can I say... when too much is good, it is also not good, excuse the tautology. It’s understandable that the husband should relax; he must not only be praised, but must also be educated; without this, it won’t work out. Behind every great man, there is a great wise woman, she brings him up and molds him into a successful one, keeping him strict. First she creates for him comfortable conditions, an atmosphere of love (gets hooked on love like a drug), the husband becomes dependent on his woman, flies home like a butterfly to the light. And if he fulfills his duties, then he receives “sweet sugar”, but if not, then his wife immediately moves away from him and no more “mustache” for him, and the guy is hooked, he won’t go anywhere, he’s now like without it without air. From now on, he will do anything, make any sacrifice, just to get his favorite “sugar” again. The scheme simply looks like - the stronger the relationship, the higher your “demands” for your husband.

Some women carry an unbearable burden. They have to manage everything: support their family, raise children, solve everyday issues. They can do a lot, succeed everywhere and, it would seem, do not need anyone’s help. These are truly strong, accomplished women who know their worth. And they are not necessarily alone... But often their husbands cannot stand the struggle for leadership and leave. Or they relieve themselves of responsibility for the family, placing it on the weak, but so strong women’s shoulders!

So who is this strong woman? And is it really necessary for a woman to be strong? Can she find her happiness, and what will help her in this? You will find out the answers below.

What is meant by the expression “strong woman”?

These words contain a certain list of psychological characteristics and character traits. Of course, among them there are also positive ones: resilience, the ability to make quick decisions, the ability to achieve goals and more. But, as a rule, all this is accompanied by traits that can significantly complicate the life of its owner. Among them, for example:

• Increased control and hyper-responsibility. A strong woman feels the need to manage the people and processes around her, and takes upon herself to resolve even those issues that are not within her competence (and not only at work, but also in the family).
• Lack of trust, especially in relation to men. Strong women find it difficult to trust anyone, so their relationships with men, household members and friends are often not the best. Without mutual trust, it is difficult to build something strong and reliable.
• A “steel” character with a predominance of masculine qualities, such as determination, perseverance, straightforwardness, stress resistance, rationality of thinking, determination, firmness, fortitude, etc. Feminine qualities may also be present, but the leading role is played by the masculine line of behavior and corresponding life positions.

But is a strong woman really doomed to be like that for the rest of her life?

“Strong woman” – a script that can no longer be changed?

Each of us has our own established patterns of behavior and reactions. Someone, when a difficult situation arises, gets lost and just waits for everything to change; someone acts relying on others, asking for help and support; and someone decides everything that is possible themselves. “Strong Woman” is closest to the third scenario.

It would seem - what's wrong with this? The fact is that when she follows it in most situations in life, this method of action exhibits two major drawbacks. The first is that, not being able to give some of the responsibility to others and/or striving for the highest quality performance of tasks (“others will not be able to do this”), a woman inevitably finds herself in a situation of overexertion. She carries everything on herself, gets very tired, complains or breaks down, but cannot change her mind.

The second drawback of the “I do everything myself” scenario is that those close to a strong woman begin to feel unnecessary, and sometimes not good enough, insignificant. Out of a desire to do the best, a strong woman, for example, can protect her husband from caring for children: “It’s easier for me myself, I know exactly what is necessary for them.” And he will suffer from the fact that he actually does not participate in the children’s lives. When there are many such situations, the partner’s sense of self-worth and the understanding that he is needed at all may collapse.

Even a partial change in the scenario (sometimes deciding and acting on your own, and sometimes relying on others) can significantly change the situation for the better. This will allow a strong woman to relieve herself of excess stress and cope with fatigue over time. If you can’t do this on your own, it’s best to consult a psychologist.

It is not true that a strong woman cannot change. You can change at any age and regardless of any external factors(“I’m raising children alone”, “I have no one to count on except myself”, “Who else if not me?”). The main thing here is desire, based on an understanding of the problem. And the main problem for a strong woman is the inability to find and show the feminine side of her nature. But why does it arise?

How and why do women become strong?

Let us name the main reasons why masculine character traits begin to predominate in a woman:

• Family scenario. For example, a family was expecting a boy, but a girl was born. Parents talk about this and seem to program the girl to behave like a boy. Moreover, sometimes a dad who dreams of a son begins to raise his daughter like a boy: he takes her fishing, plays football with her, instills a masculine demeanor, masculine interests, and then also says: “Oh, you should be born a boy!” . In this case, the role of the mother is leveled; she ceases to be an example for the girl. Of course, such attitudes can collapse in adolescence, when the first love arises, etc. But sometimes this doesn't happen.

Svetlana, 27 years old, in a conversation with a psychologist: “Until a certain age, I was generally ashamed of the fact that I was born a girl. Probably because my father dreamed of a son and was worried that he did not have an heir. True, he didn’t waste time with me either: he signed me up for martial arts, and took me with him to football matches. Until a certain age, I even liked it, but then I was simply afraid of offending him, not living up to expectations. But one day I rebelled. True, the character had already been formed by that time. And to this day I perceive men more as just friends, and in the company of girls I feel like an uncouth tomboy, as if falling short of the feminine ideal.”

• Stressful situation once upon a time or now. Yes, sometimes difficult life circumstances force a woman to become strong. Let's look at this situation using the example of one of our clients.

Ekaterina, 34 years old: “It so happened that several years ago my husband became very seriously ill. We fought for his life, a lot fell on my shoulders. I barely had time, running to work, to school to pick up the children, then home, to the hospital to see my husband, and home again. And so every day. We survived everything, my husband was sick for 2 years, but, thank God, everything worked out. Now we don’t have a very good relationship with him, and all because I’m used to shouldering his responsibilities. It still seems to me that he shouldn’t overexert himself. And this makes him nervous and angry. In general, I understand him... That’s why I came because I want to change. I want there to be peace in the family.”

• "Strength" as self-defense. Typically, such self-defense is resorted to by women who did not have a father in childhood, and who for some reason did not feel safe. In this case, strength and masculine behavior come from the fear of being helpless, deceived or rejected. A woman may be frightened by the risk of moving from a “strong to a weak state.” Thoughts about this make her anxious and want to hide behind the guise of a strong personality, and under no circumstances show her weak feminine sides. This is what Natalya says.

Natalya, 19 years old: “I grew up without a father, and I always lacked a sense of security. When boys bullied me, I knew that there was no one to stand up for me, so I decided to become strong myself. In addition, I saw that it was not easy for my mother to raise me alone, and I took on the role of a man in our family. Already as a child, she solved all sorts of everyday issues, took care of my mother and me, became independent early and got used to taking on things that not every man could do. But now that I’ve met a young man, it only bothers me.”

A strong woman can achieve a lot in business, social and political life. But this condition has a reverse, negative side: fatigue, overstrain, nervous breakdowns, psychosomatic disorders. And, of course, it is advisable to prevent its manifestation and consult a psychologist in time.

What will help a strong woman become softer, more feminine and happier?

There is no point in giving up a strong character, you just need to learn to live in harmony with yourself, not be ashamed to show weakness, to be feminine, emotional, vulnerable, sensitive, soft and gentle when necessary. This can be difficult, but psychotherapy will help break down the internal barrier - the resistance that prevents a woman from being a woman in the full sense of the word.

Here's how psychotherapy helped Svetlana from the example described above:

• Together with a psychologist, she analyzed her childhood, understood how her personality was formed and realized the reason for her current feelings. Until a certain age, she really tried to live up to her father’s expectations and took his example in everything.
• Then the psychologist helped her deal with her desires. It turned out that Svetlana secretly always dreamed of being very feminine, she liked just such heroines of books and films. But she was simply embarrassed to show her other self, fearing ridicule. She thought she would look funny and ridiculous.
• The psychologist, step by step, helped Svetlana to cast aside her fears and habitual attitudes, and gave valuable recommendations that brought good results. Svetlana even signed up for ballroom dancing! The psychologist also helped Svetlana accept and love herself. As it turned out, the feeling of inferiority that she experienced in women's company, was absolutely groundless. She’s just used to considering herself different from others, identifying herself more with the male gender than with the female. All this came from childhood, and the psychologist had to use many tools and techniques to convince the woman otherwise.

A woman’s weakness is not only her strength, but also her happiness. It's hard to be happy when you're stressed to the limit and constantly busy solving some problems. If you feel that life circumstances or internal fears are making you forget about your femininity, contact a psychologist without waiting for the feeling of dissatisfaction and constant stress to develop into something more serious.

Sometimes we get very tired, reaching the limit of our strength, and we simply cannot cope with our emotions. But crying does not mean giving up, and it is certainly not a sign of weakness.

It's just that often in such cases we have no choice but to resort to this means of self-comfort when we are tired. Tired of being strong. After all, life demands a lot from us, and the people around us are not always aware of everything we do (including for them) and understand how difficult it is for us.

But you don’t need to put the weight of the whole world on your shoulders, try to take care only of what is really important to you. And never forget that there should be some privileged, free space in your heart, intended only for yourself and for no one else.

Therefore, if you want to cry, you feel that there is a need for this, and you understand that this will make you feel better, then cry, only a truly strong person can sometimes afford this.

You can't always be strong

Perhaps you, too, were raised to have a “strong personality” and were told that you need to “swallow your tears.” That life is difficult, and you can’t help your grief with tears, etc. But the fact is that such an approach in the long run can lead to serious emotional problems.

After all, “not crying” sometimes means not showing your feelings and hiding them under false pretexts (from the “I don’t feel well” series, etc.).

And if you always try to seem, if not cheerful, then at least calm, then, in fact, you are hiding your emotions not only from others, but also from yourself.

And hidden emotions are unresolved problems, which, in turn, again turn into emotions and stress. Then somatization occurs (transformation of psychological stress into physical discomfort, illness or disease) and the person begins to suffer from headaches, migraines, constant fatigue, muscle strain, dizziness, digestive problems...

You can't be strong all the time. You cannot hide discomfort or sadness throughout your life. It's bad for your health.

Sometimes you need to give yourself a well-deserved rest, a respite, when tears work better than any sedative and relieve stress and allow you to relax.

• Tears really do heal.
• They provide the desired relief and are the first step towards releasing hidden emotions.
• After crying, you gain peace of mind, feel more relaxed, perceive reality more objectively, and are able to make healthy decisions again.

The need to be strong when life demands too much of us

No one but yourself knows how much you had to do to be where you are now. What did you have to give up (for the sake of your loved ones), what did you experience and what did you go through?

And everything you did, you did consciously, of your own free will, because you wanted it. But sometimes there come moments when it seems to us that life and the people around us are unfair to us, that we are underestimated, that we deserve more.

You have to be strong in a society that doesn't make your life any easier socio-economically. You need to show your strength and determination to your family and behave correctly with your parents, children and your partner, which often involves paying more attention to their interests than your own.

As a result, those days come when you get tired of being strong and carrying all the responsibility on your shoulders, and then... You need to cry.

It is important to be able to set limits so that life requires real achievements from us.

None of us can give more than we ourselves have. Therefore, it is simply impossible to give joy and happiness to your loved ones if they do not reciprocate your feelings and do not show the same attention, care and love.

That is, the key to solving a problem is balance, a balance of forces and actions. To stay strong and cope with all your responsibilities, to achieve your goals despite all the difficulties, you must adhere to the following recommendations:

1. To be strong means, first of all, to be at peace with yourself. Don't stop there, continue your personal growth and development, enjoy your hobbies and moments of personal joy. Love your loved ones and, of course, yourself first.

2. The most strong people- these are those who know how to love(both others and themselves). And no, this is not selfishness at all, but healthy self-esteem.

3. Being strong also means being able to get rid of all kinds of loads, which hinder our progress, prevent us from moving forward, worsen our well-being and even make us suffer. Yes, sometimes such decisions can be quite painful, but it is important to set priorities correctly and stop wasting time on those who don’t really need us.

4. Being strong means allowing yourself to be “weak” sometimes. What does this mean?

• You always have every right to say that you “can’t do that” or “you won’t do that.” You are not obligated to take on more responsibilities than you already have.
• You always have the right to say that “enough is enough,” “I can’t take it anymore.” That you need rest.
• You have the right to be respected and loved, to be recognized for your merits and to be grateful to you. Those who really need you will definitely understand that you also need their attention and care.

Also interesting:

And of course you you have every right to personal, secluded rest. For those moments when you can be alone with yourself and take a walk, think, listen to your thoughts and emotions, make the necessary decisions and move forward again.

After all, our life, ultimately, lies in this. Go your own way and try to maintain peace of mind at the same time.published

All! Tired. I can't do it anymore. Like a squirrel in a wheel all your life. Tired of being strong and independent. When will I be able to play the role of a real woman?! Where is men's care and attention, when will this be for me?

When will a normal man come into my life and I will breathe a sigh of relief?! I'm tired of being strong, I just want to be a woman. In the meantime, I constantly have to solve all the problems and issues myself. My man doesn't want to do anything or help. I'm tired of being a strong woman, tired of understanding and accepting such a life.

I'm tired of being strong, I want to be weak! Teach!

Why are other women lucky in life because men decide everything for them and help them? I have no luck in this matter, probably because I simply cannot pretend to be a weak fool. I'm tired of being a strong woman, I want to be...

But how they infuriate me, these... How do they do it? It's my own fault that I'm carrying everything on myself. But you have to be either a bitch or a helpless fool. Men seem to love them. Because it won't work any other way. I'm tired of being strong, I want to be weaker than I seem. Maybe men will then begin to show their care and attention!?

I'm tired of being strong... I want to relax!

Carrying everything on yourself and resolving all the issues wears you out more and more every day. I’m tired of being a strong woman when with all my soul I want to lean on a reliable man’s shoulder. At one point I'll just lose my temper. And I’m scared to think how it will end.

If you are tired of being strong and you want to understand how to remove this curse of “doing it all by yourself”, the answer can be found